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Monday, 22 December 2008

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

  • life sucks..

     

    I have been having such a bad life lately. I just plain out hate myself &my life. My boyfriend is an asshole. Things are the same as last December basicly.. things will be good for about 4 months at a time. Then really bad for about two. I am so sick of the same bullshit every four months. You would think I would move on. But nooo of corse when things are good I want to stay with him and be happy. Why, when its just a matter of time when they are back to the same shit. No he's not cheating on me. It is other things Id rather not mention on the internet. lol but Its so fucked up!

    I cannot even deal anymore. I am sick of his games and the heart broken bullshit. The love is there. That is the only thing holding us together. I know he loves me..thats not it. But he has other things on his mind that shouldnt be on anyones mind. It is heart breaking when your not enough for the one that is all you want and need. I know he WANTS me and NEEDS me but this other stuff just pulls him in. And weather he can change or not its always going to be there. =/

    Life sucks. Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

  • CHANGE <3

     

    I Normally dont write in here but my myspace blog got all fucked up soo what the heck.  lol

    Today is my birthday and im really not focusing on it I am trying to do some self changing I guess you could call it. lol I have been being told that I need to change by my boyfriend for about a good year now. LOL And I am finally understanding what he means. Its hard to dig up why you think the way you think. And lately I have been doing that, which isnt easy. And its hard to forgive the things that have happened in the past when you didnt even know they bothered you enough to need to forgive those ppl. did that even make sence? lol I am just writing.

    I have such a negitive outlook on life and on everything. I didnt even realize it until I was reading this book that was telling me to tell myself these thoughts and I started doing it and I found it was a lot harder then I thought it was going to be. Basicly b/c I am so negitive all the time. I am never happy, and I basicly dont even like myself or have any self confidence. I have came a long way with anxiety But I thought i over came it but I guess its never ending. lol

    I just dont understand how one person (melol) can be so upset and negitive all the time, I am generally happy I guess just deep deep down im not. And really I couldnt tell you why. I have a good boyfriend a fine job for now. I am going to school. I mean we live together in a small place but w/e and we just fight all the damn time. And he says its b/c I am always bitching which yes is true but I guess its just b/c I am not happy. So when one lil thing goes wrong it fucks everything up b/c I guess thats why I was expecting? Well then .. lol

    Well I am trying soo thats all I can say I guess. lol Thanks for reading if you did =].

    I dont even know anyone with an xanga. Lol I love all the quote sites tho you guys are amazing. much love. <3

     

     

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

  • BOOK =]

     

    Instructions:
    1. Grab the nearest book.
    2. Open to page 92.
    3. Find the third sentence.
    4. Post the text of this sentence in your blog, along with these instructions.
    5. Don't dig for a favorite book, pick the closest.
    6. I WILL TAG ANY SITE THAT READS THIS ..

    Book - "YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE" I am reading this to find more positive ways to deal with my emotions ..

    But the 3rd Sentence says .. "For that, this exercise is helpful." LOL So ill tell you the lines b4 it to why that is the 3rd line.

    "For some of us, there is a step that is necessary before we can totally forgive. Sometimes the little kid in us needs to have revenge before it is free to forgive."

     

    I'd say this book is very helpful =].

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

  •  

    Hey =]
    I am not into Xanga at all, I just made one soo I can look through the quote sites because they are really awesome on this site. So I plan on reading them and comenting on their pages, but i dont really plan on writing at all. This site has changed SO much since ive used it, I wouldnt know where to start.
    If you feel the need to look me up on myspace im Shanda Mcfall from Belleville Mi.
     
    Thanks,
    Shanda

xSHANDAx

  • Visit xSHANDAx's Xanga Site
    • Name: Shanda
    • Birthday: 11/19/1987
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/22/2008

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